Joyeur

Smart people solve difficult problems every day here at Joyent. But even data center science often seems relatively easy compared to your average interpersonal relationship. There is nothing hot-swappable about a broken heart. But just like reviewing your logs leading up to a fail, you can still learn valuable things from the experience. Like this habañero-cranberry relish recipe that I have shamelessly stolen from a long-time, long-ago ex-ladyfriend.

You need to get two of those bags of supermarket cranberries that show up for the season. Works out to a few quarts I guess. Also, some habañero peppers. The floral notes are what’s key — jalapeños just aren’t the right type for a good match. Smokey chipotles might be interesting, though. You’ll also need a pound of sweet, brown sugar or a pint of thick honey. Cinnamon sticks, whole cloves and star anise, dried orange peel and even ginger can work out if you’re feeling really spicy. And it doesn’t hurt to always have pectin on hand to protect yourself from sloppy endings.

Put the cranberries in a heavy-botton saucepan, the heavier the better, and with a tight-fitting top. Pour a little water in. Not much. Maybe a cup or so? Use wine if it’ll ease your anxiety, or brandy if you don’t like the shakes. It’s all good. I’m certainly in no position to judge. Now get those berries boiling, and add your aromatics and the peppers (which like some rough knife play). If you want the sauce more submissive, leave the seeds aside. For those with higher pain thresholds, leave the seeds in for something more dominant.

Once it’s bubbling, put a lid on it and let it simmer. You should let it linger, at least an hour or so. Savor the anticipation. When your fruit has fully melted, pour the hot mess through a fine, metal sieve. If you prefer things on the chunky side, add some of the skin back in. Sweeten it all up with two or three cups of that sugar. Helps set things up and balance the tart. If you’re inexperienced, you should probably play it safe early in your courtship of this complicated concoction with a couple of teaspoons of that prophylactic pectin.

Get it all back on the burner to simmer down further, until it’s reduced to a thick, sultry syrup. Should snuggle up to the back of a spoon and hold on tight. When you pour it off, your hard work will only really amount to two cups or three cups, really. But don’t put everything in one bowl! Spread it around among a few dishes. Because now you need to play it cool and chill those beauties on ice for a while. If you played it right, you’ll have a nice, firm jelly for lathering your vittles. Not working out? Don’t compound the problem by trying desperately to fix it. Even if it ends up on the runny side, benefits can still be had as a good friend for leftovers. Especially cold turkeys.

Photo by Sarah Blackstock.